Letters from Beyond the Grave
by islashlove
Summary: A month after Shawn's funeral, everyone receives a letter from Shawn. This story is the Sequel to my story 'A Surprise, Seven Eulogies and a Funeral'.
1. Dear Dad

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is from Psych. **

**Warning: This is a death story.**

**Beta: Yes, I would like to say thank you to my Beta jerseybelle**

**Author's Notes: ****This story is the Sequel to my story 'A Surprise, Seven Eulogies and a Funeral'.**

**Story Notes: A month after Shawn's funeral, everyone receives a letter from Shawn.**

**Letters from Beyond the Grave**

**Chapter 1: Dear Dad**

Henry Spencer sat heavily in his armchair and let out a deep sigh. He knew he should eat something, but that meant he would have to get up and he just didn't have the energy for that. Not any more, anyway. All he had done in the last month, is get up, eat, go to work, come home, eat again and then go to bed to have a restless sleep, just to start all over again the next day.

Some days he wondered why he was still doing it. Why was he going to work? He had only been at the station to keep an eye on Shawn, but Shawn was now gone. They had buried him a month ago. Those words felt like someone had kicked him in the stomach again. Like a bad dream that he couldn't wake up from.

Shawn, his son, was dead.

Henry knew that he was functioning on autopilot. They all were. Chief Vick, Juliet, Gus, even Detective Lassiter, they were all just taking one day at a time.

Henry let out a small chuckle when he remembered what had happened that day. It had proven that no one at the station had really accepted that Shawn was gone. An officer that had had left the station a few years back, had come to visit.

Everyone knew he was there. Just like they knew that Shawn was dead, but when he uttered those words, 'Shawn, good to see you again', everyone looked. Everyone searched for this Shawn. Henry could feel the hopeful expectation and then the bitter disappointment when it was someone else called Shawn. He had even overheard Lassiter cursing, 'Damn it, Spencer' before he sat back down.

Maybe tomorrow he will hand in his resignation, but now, tonight, Henry needed sleep, so he headed off to bed. But a few hours later, Henry was back sitting in the armchair again. Sleep had eluded him again through the nightmares of Shawn. Knowing he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, Henry decided to go through the mail that he had received that day.

Settling down in his armchair, Henry placed his beer on the coffee table. Sifting through the mail, Henry put the bills to one side for later. There were still a few sympathy cards from people that were just hearing about Shawn's death. One letter from Shawn's mother and then there was one that really caught Henry's attention.

The envelope was covered with a lovely beach scene and the address was hand written, not typed like a lot are now days. Turning it over, he wasn't surprised that there was no return address.

Opening the envelope carefully, Henry then pulled out the letter which had a beach scene on every page and like the envelope, it was hand written. As he unfolded the letter, a photo fell out onto his lap. Picking it up, Henry saw it was a photo of him, Shawn and that god damn motor bike of his. He was so sure that it was going to be that bike that would take Shawn from him. How wrong he was.

Placing the photo down, Henry started to read the letter, which he had guessed was from Shawn.

_'Dear Dad,_

_Well, if you're reading this letter, I'm dead and I bet it was because I stuffed up big time. It would have to be at least a month after my funeral. That's when I arranged for the letters to be sent out. And talking about the funeral, I hope it went smoothly and that I did you proud with the way I arranged it. No three ring circus, just how you wanted it to be._

_I guess that you're wondering why you are sitting in your armchair, late at night, reading this letter. Especially since I most likely wrote it years ago. Well, one reason is, I sent it to you and another reason is because you couldn't sleep. I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry that I died before you and that you had to bury me. It's wasn't what I wanted._

_Dad, below are a few things that I couldn't or wouldn't dare to say to you while I was alive. So, if you want to continue or not, that's up to you, but know this, I have, and always will, love you. You're my dad, so there should have never been a question that I loved you. _

_Anyway, if you are game enough, please continue to read. Some of it will be nice, some...not so._

_Firstly Dad. What the hell were you and mum thinking? Seriously! Neither of you were ready for a child, let alone one like me! Why? Why in hell, did you ever have me?_

_But now that I've gotten that off my chest. Thank you! Thank you so much for not giving up on me. I know you could have walked away just like mum, but you didn't and for that, I will always be grateful. _

_I know I wasn't the son you wanted. I didn't became a cop, but I didn't do that just to upset you. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it. I mean, look at me, Dad, or rather, look at my history. Even with Psych, Gus does all the paper work. I know I'm useless, a failure, but that was me. That is who…what I was. Just one big failure._

_You once asked me, why do I leave when things get hard? Well, the answer is easy. I would leave because...I didn't trust myself. I know what I can do and what I can't do and staying around when I knew I wasn't wanted or needed, well, it was just better that I left, rather than if I stayed. It was the best for everyone to have that break from me. From my craziness. Even for you and Gus._

_As for my bike, I know why you hated it. Why you always called it a death trap. It wasn't because you were afraid that I was going to kill myself on it, no, that isn't why you hated it. You hated it because it was what I always left on. Right from the start, I rode away on my bike and from then on that was all you focused on. On that one single fact, but you failed to see one little thing. My bike may have taken me away, but it also brought me back home. Right back to you, not Mum._

_And the last time it brought me home, I stayed. I stayed and opened Psych. I really believe that we were getting closer. Sure, we weren't father and son of the year, but whenever I needed help, I came to you and you were always willing to help me. Even if I didn't see it._

_I really hope you enjoy the tie I'm giving you. It's not just to remind you of your 40__th__ birthday and what I said. It's to remind you to live the rest of your life in peace and to enjoy your retirement. It was me that pulled you out of your well-deserved retirement and now you can go back to it or stay on. I know you love keeping an eye on Lassie. Why wouldn't you. He was the son you always wanted. And believe me, I don't hate you or Lassie for that. He's a good man. A good cop._

_Well, that's about all I have to say, other than thank you for a great life._

_Your always wayward son,_

_Shawn._

_Oh...just one more thing, Dad. When I first left Santa Barbara, I joined the police academy, graduated and was a cop for a year before a case got to me and I had to leave. I actually did enjoy being a cop, but as I said before, I just couldn't handle it.'_

Henry put the letter and down and wiped away the tears that had escaped. He then had a drink of his beer to try and push down the lump in his throat. Picking up the photo that had come with the letter, Henry started to talk to the Shawn in the picture.

"Damn it, Shawn. How do you know what to say? That bloody mouth of yours. It always seems to be going at a thousand miles an hour and yet, your brain always kept up with it. God, I can't count how many times you've talked yourself into trouble and then out of it. And from what Gus and Lassiter said, you talked that man out of shooting Gus and into shooting you.

You're right. Your mum and I weren't ready to have a child, but neither of us would have changed a thing. We felt proud to be your parents and would never change a thing.

I'm sorry that you have always thought that your mum left because of you. She didn't! She left because of me. Me and my job. Your mum dealt with the same people I dealt with and she was worried that one day, one of them would follow me or her home and hurt you. Then the job opportunity came up and she saw a way to halve the danger. Trust me! It killed your mum to leave you, but she thought she was doing the right thing.

As for that bike of yours…you're right, I did hate it because I never saw it bring you home. I only ever saw it taking you away and now...now a small replica holds all that is left of you. I hope it makes you happy, but Chief Vick has put that replica out front of the station for everyone to see. To remind everyone about the sacrifice that the police make every day to keep the public safe.

You said in your letter that you were a failure. You're not, you know. You have done things that a lot of people could only dream of. Maybe it was me. Maybe I failed you. I pushed you too much, too hard, and didn't give you the love you needed, but I want you to know something, Shawn. I loved you and I was so proud of you.

I was so glad that you felt that you could come to me whenever you needed help with Psych. Over the years, I watched you grow. Not just in age, but as a man. You may not have thought that you had changed, but you had. You became your own person. A person that I was so proud of and the way you handled your own funeral proved that.

I love the tie. It brought back so many memories. Not just of my 40th, but of the time we had shared together. I don't think I will retire just yet. Not because of Lassiter, but because of you. Working beside you made me happy. I left the force because I thought I had given it all I could. You proved to me that I had a lot more to give.

As for Lassiter, you're wrong. I was proud of him, but not because he was the son I always wanted. I already had that son in you. I was proud of him because I had watched him grow from a humble officer to being the strong detective he is now. And to be honest, I'm glad he met you, because you saved him from himself. Lassiter was on his way to burning out. You pulled him back from the edge and took that smoking gun from his hands.

I too have a secret, Shawn. I already knew that you had become a cop. In fact, I was there when you graduated and I followed your short, but amazing career. I know why you left and I understand. I even understand why, after you left the force, you joined the army.

I'm truly sorry that I never told you. I just thought that you would tell me when you were ready. Just didn't think it would be in a letter that I would receive a month after I had to bury you.

You dared to thank me for a great life. Well, it should be me to thank you. From the day you were born, you changed my life for the better and even now, even after your death, you are making my life better. Just with your words.

I'm so glad that you were my son and I wouldn't change you or anything that you did. Except maybe your death. I would change that, Shawn, just so we could have had more time together.

Thank you, Shawn for everything that was you."

Henry placed the picture against the picture frame on the coffee table. He stared at it for a little bit longer before heading back to bed. He guessed that Shawn had sent the others a letter as well and he would find out about them in the morning.

That night, Henry had the best sleep he'd had in a month. No dreams, just sleep and when he awoke the next morning, Henry actually felt that everything was going to be just fine.

**Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.**


	2. Dear Juliet

**Author's Notes: This chapter is brought to you by the Song of the Week Challenge. This week's Song is 'Counting Stars' by OneRepublic**

**Chapter 2: Dear Juliet**

Juliet curled up on her easy chair. Her nightgown pulled tightly around her like it would keep the ghosts away. The apartment itself was quiet; quiet and dark. The only light was coming from the fire that burned to the side of her. On the small coffee table there was a cup of tea and a box of tissues which were slowly filling the waste basket behind the coffee table.

In one hand, Juliet held a tissue and in the other, a pale pink envelope. A faint scent of strawberries fills the air. It is warmed by the fire, intensifying the scent as Juliet breaths it in.

Once again, Juliet lifts up the envelope and smiles at it. Shaking her head, she couldn't work out why she was smiling. This envelope and whatever was in it might be all she had left of Shawn. As soon as she smelt the strawberries she knew it was from him. She also knew that she would have to open it up and see what he has to say.

Shifting in her seat, Juliet carefully opened the envelope up and removed the letter inside. To her surprise, something else also fell out. It was the engagement ring Shawn had given her.

"Shawn," Juliet breathed as she picked up the ring. Slowly she put the ring on the coffee table and then she opened the letter.

_'Juliet,_

_My daring Juliet. You were my Jules. The golden gem of my life and I am so sorry that it ended so soon. _

_I don't know if you will read this letter. I can't blame you if you don't. I was selfish, I know and I know you won't believe me, but I was thinking of you. In fact, I've never stopped thinking of you since the day we meet in that small diner. You stole my seat, then you pulled your gun and it was right there that you stole my heart._

_We went through the motions of life, but as life when on, you became more to me. More than life itself. All I ever wanted to do was to make you happy. As happy it made me when I saw you smile._

_I was flying the day you said you would marry me. Up 'til then, I hadn't live. All my life I'd been playing hard. Just sitting around and counting the few dollars I had. But then I found you. For the first time in my life I was losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could've been, not just about me anymore._

_My life was spun around in a three-sixty and I didn't know what to do. You had done the impossible. You had changed me. Trapped me by throwing a vine of love across my heart and it left flashing signs in my eyes, making me seek you out. Everywhere I looked, I found you. You and your love._

_I always thought I was too old for love, but you proved to me I wasn't. I tried to cling to my youth, but again, you showed me that I wasn't that bold. I guess my problem was that when I felt something was so right, I was doing it wrong. And when if felt wrong, it was the right thing to be doing._

_That's how I knew, that the moment I found out about the cancer, being with you was the wrong thing, because it felt so right to be with you. I love you, Juliet and it felt so wrong to break up with you, but it was the right thing to do. I know it was. You are too beautiful to be with someone like me._

_I could lie. I could have stayed and watched as the cancer that was killing me, killed you from the inside too. But that wouldn't have been fair. Life isn't fair. All I wanted to do, was to count the stars with you. The night stars and the stars I saw in your eyes every time you looked at me._

_I felt your love and it burnt me knowing what we had, what we could have had. But hope is a four-letter word I've known too well, like that friend who will leave you right at the end, but even though your love drowned me in a river of tears, it also made me want to fly._

_And that's what I want you to do now for me. I want you to fly. Take the knowledge that I loved you more than life itself and spread your angel wings and fly, Jules. I know my death would have felt like it had killed you, but that is life. That is the feeling of being alive._

_That is why I chose that dress for you. The white, because you are pure and honest. The rainbows to remind you that life is full of beauty and they are in the form of a circle to remind you of my eternal love._

_I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me for leaving you the way I did. And when you do, take time out from counting money and start counting stars._

_Forever yours,_

_The sweet pineapple that loves you,_

_Shawn. _

_0X0X0X0X0X0X0_

_P.S. I bought the ring for you. It is only right that you have it.'_

Juliet folded the letter and placed it on the coffee table as she wiped away her tears. Picking up the ring, Juliet slipped it onto her ring finger. Just like when Shawn gave it to her, it fit perfectly. She stared at the pineapple and strawberry figurines hugging each other. As she wiped away another tear, Juliet noticed that the tiny diamond chips started to sparkle like the stars.

"Oh, Shawn," she half cried, half laughed. "Yes, my darling Shawn, I will count the stars from now on. The stars in the sky and the stars you gave me in this ring. I will always be counting them."

And as Juliet sat there counting her diamond stars, she fell asleep to dream of what could have been for her and her sweet pineapple, Shawn.

**Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.**

**Authors Note: ****There is going to be breaks in between updating, but if the next chapter fits into the word or song of the week challenges on the Facebook group, FanFiction .net Writers Unite, then the story will be updated earlier. ****Once everything is sorted, I will be returning to weekly posting. **

**Sorry for any inconvenience.**


	3. Dear Gus

**Author's Notes: This chapter is brought to you by the word of the week, funeral.**

**Chapter 3: Dear Gus**

Burton Guster sat at his desk and stared at the offending telephone. It had been weeks since his best friend, Shawn Spencer, had left Santa Barbara and it wasn't like him not to have been in contact by now. Something was wrong, Gus knew it. He just couldn't put his finger on what it could be. It was like...he had forgotten something.

*BANG* A loud noise brought Gus out of his daze.

"Mail, Mr. Guster," Tommy the mail boy said as he placed a few more letters on top of the package he had dropped there.

"Thank you, Tommy," Gus replied as he moved his eyes from the phone to the new items on his desk.

After Tommy left, Gus gave the phone one more glance before he started to go through the mail. The package was full of sample drugs for when he was on his rounds. There were his usual newsletters, a few bills and then there was the one that really caught his eye.

It was a letter from Shawn.

He knew it was from Shawn simply because of the pale blue colour of the envelope and the scratchy hand writing. That and the fact that Shawn was the only person who sent him letters addressed to Gus.

His sign of relief was short lived when he remembered that Shawn only ever sent letters in extreme times. Opening it, Gus pulled out the letter and with shaking hands unfolded the paper and began to read.

_'My Dear Burton Guster!_

_Good and now that I have your attention, Gus, Hi!_

_Look Gus, you were my best and only friend in the world, and I'm sorry that this has happened. That I had to leave you there living, while I greeted death.'_

Gus blinked a few times and reread that first part. _'Shawn is dead. He can't be.'_ he thought, as he started to read again.

_'Now, I know you too well and you stopped reading this a second ago, blinked to clear your eye and reread what I had written. You would have been thinking that I can't be dead and that I just can't be. Well...I am. It's the only way you could be reading this letter._

_I also know that since my funeral you would have been going through denial, looking at your phone and wondering why I hadn't called. I hope that this letter won't hurt you too much when you realise I'm telling you the truth._

_The truth that you know is...true._

_I don't know how I died. It could have been falling off a mountain edge, swept away by a raging river, starved or frozen under some bridge I have called home because I'm out of money. But however I died, I hope you can forgive me for it._

_I thought you and I would grow old together. Sit around a fire and laugh about all the crazy things I made you do, like that time in Mexico, but I guess I've ruined that, just like I ruin everything._

_I hope you take care of my Apple Jacks T-shirt. Out of everything I owned that was one of my most prized possessions. I don't expect you to wear it. I know it's not your thing, but I still wanted you to have it._

_Funny, normally you can't shut me up, but I really can't think of what to write to you. I guess...we already said everything when I was still alive. You were my friend, my brother and I can't be there for you, like you were for me._

_I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm sorry I screwed up your life._

_This will be the last contact you will ever have from me. Just like we agreed, a letter in the most extreme times and this was it, my death. And with my death, I set you free. Free from me and my madness._

_Your friend,_

_Shawn!'_

Gripping the letter tight, Gus couldn't...didn't believe what he had just read, but the memories of the alleyway, the shooting and Shawn's funeral all came flooding back. Shawn was dead. Killed saving his life.

Gus looked over at his phone. It was still and quiet. Never will a certain number, under a certain name, ever ring again. He will never hear Shawn's overly excited voice echo down the line and into his ear. Picking up the phone, Gus just wanted to throw it, but he couldn't.

"Shawn, you were my brother. You didn't need to do what you did. We could have both gotten out of there alive, but it didn't go that way. You didn't let it go that way. Instead you were selfish, like you always were.

We, your Dad and I, we could have helped you. Even Juliet would have been there for you, but you couldn't let us. You always had to look after things yourself, never thinking about the consequences of your actions and now...now you are gone.

I will look after that damn T-shirt of yours and even though you didn't asked, I will keep an eye on your dad too.

Funny that you'd mentioned Mexico and what we did there. It will always be in my heart, just like you will be, my brother, and don't worry about it. You did more for me than I ever did for you. You were there just as much when I needed someone, as I was for you.

Goodbye, Shawn."

Gus put his phone down and looked back at the letter. He was just starting to fold the paper in half when Gus saw some more writing.

_'P.S._

_Gus, I know this goes without saying, but I'm still going to say it. Look over the page.' _Gus flipped the page over and continued reading._ 'I know you will, but can you please keep an eye on my Dad and Jules for me._

_This is Shawn Spencer, signing out.'__  
_  
Yes, Shawn, I will."

Gus then carefully folded the letter up and put it into his shirt pocket and then went back to work. He was now past the stage of denial. It was time to move on, but life was going to be dull from now on. 

**Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.**


	4. Dear Mum

**Chapter 4: Dear Mum**

Madeline Spencer smiled sadly as she let out her last patient. A day or two ago, Henry, her ex-husband, had rang up and asked if she had received a letter from their Shawn. Of course, as a psychologist, Madeline thought Henry was going crazy with grief since they had just buried their son. But that afternoon, a letter from Shawn arrived. That was two days ago and she couldn't bring herself to read it.

Taking a deep breath, Madeline locked up and made herself a cup of tea. After making herself comfortable, she picked up the envelope and opened it. Pulling out the neatly folded letter, she started to open it, but quickly moved to catch something that fell out from between the folds.

Shocked, she stared at the heart shaped photo of her, Henry and Shawn as a baby. It was taken, not long after he was born. Lifting up the necklace that Shawn had left her, Madeline now noticed that it was a locket. Opening up the small, heart, she slipped the picture into the spot it was made for. And with the way the photo was creased, it looked like it had been in the locket before. Leaving it open, Madeline went on to read the letter.

_"Mum, _

_I'm not going to make this letter a formal one. We both know that's not me. I know we never really got along and that you never understood me. Hopefully, my death will being you to some sort of understanding of who I was in life._

_I know I wasn't what you and Dad expected. I also understood why you left. In my own way, it's why I took off like I did. I may not have lived the life that you and Dad wanted for me, but I did live life to the fullest. _

_I lived, loved and helped people that had a lot less than me. I made friends that lasted me my lifetime and some enemies that would rather see me dead, rather than for me to take one more breath, but you know what? I would never give up what I did, what I gave, for anything less. _

_You and Dad both taught me well. You made me who I am, who I was, and for that, I say thank you. I have a fair idea that the locket I gave you would have confused you. So let me explain._

_Before I took off on my bike, I found that locket and along with it, the note about how you were expecting a girl and you were going to give it to her. Yes, it did hurt a little that me being a boy was the first disappointment I was to you. At first, I took the locket out of spite, but it stayed in my bag for years, then one day, when Dad didn't know I was back in town, I found the photo of us all. We, or rather, you and Dad looked happy in it. I took the photo and had it adjusted to put it in the locket. _

_From that day on that locket stayed in my pocket and on the days when I was at my worst, I would open it, look at the photo and remember that I was loved and wanted. It pulled me through some very dark times. Times when I was ready to give up on myself and on life._

_Anyway, I hope that...in giving you the locket and photo, you will remember that having me as a son wasn't as bad as it seemed. That, on days when you feel the world is closing in, you will look at a happier time in your life and know that there is always something to go on for._

_I love you mum. I know that hearing this from someone that is dead doesn't make a lot of sense, but love expands beyond time, beyond life itself._

_Life is a journey that we all needed to travel. My death is just an ending for me and my Journey. For those that have been left behind, it is a new beginning, a new chapter of their journey that they have to walk without me there. But I know that they can do it and I will be waiting at the end of their journey with open arms._

_Well, Mum, that's all I have to say. I hope that you understand me a little bit more and that, as you learn more about the life I lived, you will find something that I didn't disappoint you with and that maybe, you can find something to make you proud._

_Your loving son,_

_Shawn."_

Madeline didn't know what to think. Surely this wasn't writing by her son. It couldn't be, but she knew in her heart it was. Shawn had become the man that she never dreamt of him becoming.

He was a man that had a good, kind heart. That helped people, even when he had nothing of his own and was stronger than anyone could ever see. She just wished she had gotten to know him better when he was alive.

Lifting the locket up, Madeline rubbed her finger over the mental a she looked hard at the photo. A single tear ran down her cheek.

"Shawn, I'm sorry, so sorry if I gave you the impression that I didn't care, that...I wasn't proud of you. Of course I was. Yes, I was expecting a girl, but I would have never traded you for anything.

I will keep this locket and photo close to my heart. I'm just wondering where it was when you needed it to keep going on this time. Where...were we all when you needed us. You gave so much and expected so little back, even though you made it look like you did.

Why you made yourself to look like a self-centred fool when you could have been so much more, I will never understand. But I think I do understand where you were coming from.

I love you, my little boy. I always did and have always been proud of you and your dad. I'm going to keep you to that promise and when my journey is done, you better be waiting with open arms for me.

It may be goodbye, Shawn, but you will forever live in my heart."

Madeline then closed the locket and hid it under her top. She then carefully folded the letter back up, put in into its envelope and placed it in her top drawer. Turning out the light, Madeline headed home. For the first time in a long time, she felt like Shawn was walking beside her and while the locket is with her, he always will.

**Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.**


	5. Dear Chief Vick

**Chapter 5: Dear Chief Vick**

Taking a deep and ragged breath, Chief Vick looked at the two envelopes in her hands. One had her name on it, the other was addressed: To All Who Work at the Santa Barbara Police Station, c/o Chief Vick.

Smiling fondly, Chief Vick remembered that first day she met adult Shawn and how different he was compared to the young Shawn that Henry had often brought to the station. Young Shawn had so much energy, curiosity and amusement. Whereas adult Shawn still had these things, but he was distant, closed off and always on guard, even if he tried to hide it.

Placing the letter addressed to the station down, Chief Vick carefully opened the one to her. Pulling it out, she unfolded the letter and started to read it.

To Chief Karen Vick,

I salute you. Not many people can put up with me, not even my Dad. I must admit that it was an honour to serve under your command and I'm sure that Gus feels the same way. You made us feel like a true part of the station and your team.

If I can, I would like to ask a small favour. Is it possible that you could, say once and a while, asked Gus to help on a case or two? Any that has to do with medicines, even if it's just identifying what they are. It would mean the world to him and to me, too, to know that you haven't forgotten him.

I would like you to keep an eye on my dad, too. I know he will get over this and move on, but...I also know that he did care for me and in his own way, be lost without me. The next part I have to tell you, I would like you to keep to yourself. Not tell Dad or Gus, not even Lassie. I know they would love to know this, but...to be honest, it has nothing to do with them.

This is about the medal. I guessed that you had seen a few or at least I thought you would have and before you think it, it's not mine. My big secret is...I was married once. I loved her so much and she loved me, but like a lot of police officers, she lost her life in the line of duty and was awarded this medal.

Other than Dad, who has never known I was married, I have no one else to leave it to. You have so much heart, Chief Vick. I know it may have seen like I didn't respect the work you and the officers under your Command did, but the truth is, I did. I respected you, them, even Lassie, every time you put your lives on the line to save another.

It's time I logged off and let you have your peace and quiet without me. You deserve it. I salute you once again, Chief Vick.

P.S. Tell little Iris I's sorry I won't be there to see her grow up into the wonderful woman I know she will be.

Your faithful servant

Shawn Spencer."

Chief Vick folded the letter up, placed it back into its envelope and placed it on her desk beside the other one. Leaning back in her chair, she placed her hand on her chest where Shawn's medal was. As her finger's brushed against the metal, she could feel the way the pattern flowed and in turned it allowed her thoughts to flow as well.

So, Shawn, you were once married. To a police officer, no less. She must have been one hell of a woman to deal with you. I'm sure, if she were alive today, she would have been given a medal of bravery just for being your wife. Just kidding, I know she was probable an amazing and lucky woman. I'm going to place your medal with your picture on the Wall of the Fallen. I think you deserved it, just like your wife did.

You're right, of course, I should have known what the medal was, and I did, I just couldn't work out how it was connected to you. So thank you for entrusting me with this secret of yours.

I am keeping an eye on your dad. He's slowly returning to work, but I can't tell how long it will be until he is ready to retire for real. Even then, I'm sure he will be fine, sitting in his boat, throwing out a line and believe it or not, having a beer with Lassiter.

As for Mr. Guster, I think your dad has taken him under his wing, just to be close to you and I can't blame him. I don't think there has been a day gone by that you two weren't together. It's strange to see him and not you, but you are right, we will get used to it. Just like we got used to having you here. I will bring Mr. Guster on as an expert in medications. It will do us all the world of good to see him.

And I will pass on your message to Iris. She has asked a few times if you could come over to play. It breaks my heart, since she doesn't understand why you can't. I started a scrapbook with pictures of you and her together so she won't forget you. None of us will forget you.

It was an honour to serves with you, too. You were difficult at times, but it was those times that we will remember the most. That, your smile and the air of hope you always wore. You were like a breath of fresh air, even when we were dealing with the stench of death. We are going to miss you Shawn Spencer, that, I am sure of.

Sitting up, Chief Vick unlocked the top drawer of her desk and placed her letter inside before locking it again. Standing up, she left her office and walked over to the Wall of the Fallen. Standing in front of Shawn's picture, she unpinned the medal and pinned it to the blue ribbon on the frame.

Taking a step backwards, Chief Vick then raised her hand to her forehead and saluted.

"It was an honour to have known and served with you, Shawn Spencer."

Chief Vick then returned to her office and opened the second letter.

**Thank**** you for reading and reviewing my story**.


	6. Dear McNab

**Chapter 6: Dear McNab**

Buzz McNab sat in his lounge room. In his arms, sleeping, his newborn son, John. After Shawn's death, McNab wanted to name their child after him, but he and Francine had already chosen the name. But just like the beautiful woman she is, Francine was willing to change John's middle name from Toby to Spencer. God he loved his wife.

"Here, let me take him and you read that letter Shawn sent you," Francine said as she took their child.

"Maybe later," McNab replied as he eyed the envelope lying on the coffee table beside him.

"No, now. You keep putting it off and it's time to find out what he wants to say to you. You start reading, I will put the little one down and then make you a cup of tea." Smiling, Francine walked away.

McNab reached over and picked up the envelope. It was light blue and sealed with a sticker similar to the teddy bear tie pin Shawn had left him. The envelope had arrived a few days ago, but he couldn't bring himself to open it. But Francine was right, it was time for him to see what Shawn had to say to him.

Opening the envelope at the top in order to not damage the sticker, McNab removed the letter. He also found a second envelope inside. Putting it aside, McNab opened the letter, which was written on paper that was the same soft blue colour with a teddy bear pattern all over it. Smiling, McNab was surprised that the flowing words had a calming effect on him.

"To my dear, dear friend, Officer Buzz McNab,

I hope you and Francine are enjoying being parents. Hold on tight to the time you have with your bouncing bundle. You will not realise how quickly time will fly. They will be grown and living their own lives, with their own children before you know it.

I'm sorry if you were anywhere nearby when I was killed. I never meant to hurt anyone, especially you. You're a kind and caring person, never forget that Buzz. I've seen good cops that have grown cold and unfeeling. Ones that couldn't be brought back and was lost to the system. Glad I could help pull Lassie back from that edge, because you need him.

You need Lassie and Jules.

I know people think you are a little naive, but I know better. I know that you are taking in everything you see, hear and feel. Storing it in that brain of yours, only using it when you need to. So I know, it sounds stupid, but trust me, you are going to be a great detective one day and you're going to need Lassie for that.

Let him take you under his wing, even if he doesn't realise he is doing it. Let him show you the way to do interviews, how to make a bad guy crack. Learn what he does and how he puts the jigsaw puzzle together in order to solve the crime.

But while you're learning off Lassie how to be tough on the outside, you will need Jules to show you how not to lose the caring and passionate side that is within you. Be that tough, biker, soft teddy bear that I just know you have pinned to your uniform. Use it to remind you that you can be tender, while you uphold the law. That's why I gave it to you.

Well, I better not keep you from your family. Give your little one a kiss on the forehead for me and the same goes for Francine. She is an amazing woman and will be a great mother. Just as you will be a great father.

Now, wipe away those tears and raise that cup of tea which Francine has just made for you, to my memory and then get on with your life. I'm sure it is going to be a long and happy one.

Forever your friend

Shawn Spencer.

P.S. I have a favour to ask. It's on the other side of this letter."

After flipping the letter over and reading Shawn's request, McNab wiped away the tears that had escaped. He silently agreed to do as Shawn asked of him. It was just like Shawn to know that his words would bring tears to his eyes. After all, that is what Shawn Spencer was, words. Whether they were kind, harsh, in anger or fear, Shawn always knew what to say. Even when he was tripping over them and they didn't seem to make sense, those words saved many lives. Too bad it was the lack of words that ended his life the way it did.

Feeling Francine's hand on his shoulder, McNab smiled at his wonderful and, as Shawn said, amazing wife. Here she was, as she promised, waiting with a hot cup of tea for him.

Placing the tea on the coffee table, Francine sat down in the nearby chair with another cup of tea for herself. She didn't say anything, she knew that when Buzz was ready, he would share with her. So she was a little surprised when Buzz stood up and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"What was that for?"

"Shawn asked me to do it and for me to give our little one a kiss as well." Francine gave Buzz an understanding smile. "He also asked me," Buzz continued as he sat back down, "to raise my cup of tea, which he said you would have for me, in his memory. So here is to you Shawn Spencer. I don't know if you were a real psychic or not, but I believed in you and I won't let your belief in me down. I promise you, I will be the detective you believe I can become."

Francine, too, raised her cup, bowing her head slightly in prayer, before they both took a slip of the hot liquid. From that point on, they stayed in a comfortable silence, remembering in their own way, a man that changed their lives and how they saw the world around them, forever. That was, until the baby stirred.

Buzz excused himself to tend to his baby son and, to fulfil Shawn's request, with a gentle kiss to John's forehead.

**Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.**


	7. Dear Lassiter

**Chapter 7: Dear Lassiter **

Opening the top drawer of his desk, Lassiter mumbled, "Bloody Spencer," when he spied the envelope which he had hidden in there.

It wasn't that he didn't want to know what Spencer had to say to him. It was the hell and conflict it would cause. Not that he knew it would cause trouble, but anything to do with Spencer usually did.

Taking a deep breath, he closed and locked the drawer before heading off to a crime scene. It was a hard case, but they got their man, rather two women, in the end. Sitting back down at his desk, Lassiter gave McNab a friendly smile as he placed a cup of coffee in front of him.

Leaning back in his chair, Lassiter took a small sip of the hot liquid and as it warmed his body, his eyes slowly closed. Only to open up fast, when something out of place registered in his brain.

There on his desk, leaning against the vase with the small posy Spencer had given him, was Spencer's envelope. Not in the locked drawer where he had left it, but right there, in plain sight for the world to see that he hadn't open it yet! Giving the drawer a tug, he found it was still locked. So who went in and took the letter out. O'Hara? No, it couldn't have been her, she was with him the whole time; but other than O'Hara, no one else had a key. Picking up the envelope, Lassiter shoved it into his coat pocket and headed home.

Once home, Lassiter did what he always did. It was his way to unwind from the day's activities. After placing the envelope on the coffee table, he showered in order to feel clean after dealing with the scum of humanity and put on clean clothes and put the dirty ones in the wash. He then did a little tidying up, just to prove to himself that there can be order in a world that seemed to be without it, cooked dinner, ate and cleaned the dishes.

The whole time he was going through his routine, he didn't feel relaxed. Instead, the thought of Spencer's letter smouldered deep inside his head like a red hot ember lying under the dry leaves of fall, waiting to burst into a raging fire. But Lassiter pushed the urge to read it, until he was sitting in his armchair and had taken a few sips of his whisky.

He couldn't believe how his hands were shaking. How this...man child, Spencer…could have affected him so much in the short time that he had known him. Spencer, he was a puzzle which he could never solve and in a way, that was a good thing. After all, some puzzles are just not meant to be solved.

Opening the envelope, he pulled out the letter. Lassiter didn't know if it was the faint scent coming from the paper, or that he had finally opened it, but with the letter in his hands, he felt calm and relaxed.

"Dear Head Detective Carlton Lassiter, my Lassie.

I guess you are wondering how my letter got from your locked drawer to leaning against the vase you have the posy in. Well, I will tell you, it didn't. That envelope is still in your drawer. I knew you couldn't bring yourself to read it, so I got McNab to place this one on your desk if a certain amount of time had passed. So if you are reading this one, I read you well.

As for McNab, I want you to do me a favour. Take him under your wing. Teach him how to be a great detective like you. I now he seems a little naive, but trust me, so were you when you first started out. I can still remember the first day I saw you. I was in the lockers playing cards with some of the officers. I could see in your eyes you wanted to say something, but didn't. Instead you told my dad. Great move by the way. It was why my Dad took you on. He could see the same thing I could see in you…that you could be a great cop, if not an amazing detective and I can see that same thing in McNab. He just needs the same type of guide you had. I'm sure you can do it. I have faith in you.

Just as I had faith that you would step back from the grey edge of self-destruction and into the colourful field of healing. That is what the posy means. It is to remind you that not everything is black, white or even grey. That there is more to life then the job. There is friendship, love and hope outside the world of death, hate and murder that you have surrounded yourself in.

You have taken the first, stumbling steps towards healing, now it's up to you to walk, climb and run towards a life you have always deserved. Don't! Please don't let my death make you fall or stumble backwards into that dark abyss which I worked so hard to save you from.

And if you won't do it for me, or even yourself, then do it for the Chief, for Juliet, Buzz and all those officers that look up to you. Show them that you can survive the job. That you can see bright flowers, green grass and hear song birds of love, even underneath the dark-grey skies of Fall and the deep white snow of Winter.

Man, that was some deep stuff. Really didn't know I had it in me, did you? LOL.

Now I guess it's time to get all serious. I know, and you know, what you really want to know about me, but I won't do that to you. I won't put that burden on your shoulders, as to what to do with such information. In this situation I think ignorance is the best for all. For you, for my Dad and Gus, for all the cases I've worked on. The truth can only hurt those that know the truth.

I'm sure you will understand what I mean.

Well, that's it, Lassie. This is the last time you will ever hear from me, but one quick note. The other letter, it has about the same information as this one does, so you don't have to put yourself through the hell of reading that one too.

So, Head Detective Carlton Lassiter, I salute you and even if you never thought it, I always thought of you as a friend.

Forever, your pain in the ass,

Spencer."

Lassiter took a ragged breath. It certainly wasn't what he was expecting to read, not from Spencer anyway.

"Well, Spencer, that was a lot to take in and you're right about McNab. I saw it too and with the right training and guidance, he will make a great, and perhaps even a better detective than me. He has what I don't, a heart. At least a heart that isn't damaged, yet.

I look at that small posy everyday and try to work it out, and in your around the world way of saying things, you explained it well. Again, and don't let it go to your head, you're right. There is more out there than the job and I had forgotten about it. But you are wrong about one thing. I wasn't standing on the edge of that abyss. I was already falling through the air and you bungee jumped in and pulled me back onto solid ground. I will forever be grateful to you for that.

I do see the bright colours through the grey now and for the sake of the station, I will show them a better way to cope with it all.

It's funny, all the times I told you to leave, I always had this feeling that you wouldn't go. Why didn't you listen to me that day? Why didn't you turn around and leave, instead of going after Gus? I could have saved him, saved all of us, but you couldn't leave it well alone and now...now you're gone and I wish I could take back every single time I said it to you.

I may not admit it, but I did think of you as a friend in the end and I do understand what you mean by not telling me the truth about whether or not you really were a psychic, even though you did. If the truth was ever known, murderers would walk free. The station, Chief Vick, O'Hara and I would be discredited and your dad and Guster would be in prison for fraud.

Too many lives would be ruined.

But I will tell you this, on my darkest days I will read this, or the other letter, and remember the light, the hope and happiness you brought to a world that only lived in the dark.

Goodbye, Shawn, my friend."

Lassiter then folded the letter up, placed it back in its envelope and set it back on the coffee table. It was going to take time to adjust to Spencer's not being there, but his presence and spirit will forever be with them.

**Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.**


	8. Members of the Santa Barbara Police

**Chapter 8: To the Members of the Santa Barbara Police Station**

Chief Vick sat in her office and watched as the bullpen filled up with police officers and civilian station workers, whether or not they were on duty. She had called a meeting a few days ago of all employees, including all consultants and here they were. It was ten minutes past the time she had given, but Chief Vick wanted to make sure everyone was here.

Today she would be reading the letter that Shawn had left for the station. A letter she had read over and over again, so she wouldn't stumble over any of the words. Taking a deep breath, Chief Karen Vick stood up, brushed off her dress uniform, picked up the letter and walked out to face the crowd.

As soon as her door opened the chatter and mumbles stopped and all eyes were on her. Chief Vick had never felt so self-conscious before in her life. But this was for Shawn Spencer. Their psychic. Their ray of sunshine that was now gone. Standing tall, Chief Vick cleared her voice and began.

"I know you are all wondering why I called you here today and I'm going to use two words.

Shawn Spencer.

You know that some of us received a personal letter from Shawn. Well...so did everyone here. Shawn has given me the task of reading out the letter he wrote to everyone in the station. At the end of this, if you want a copy of the letter, let me know and I will organise a copy for you. Otherwise, the original one will be on display with Shawn's picture for everyone to see."

Pausing so what she had just said could sink in, Chief Vick carefully unfolded the papers in her hands. Looking back up, Chief Vick could see everyone was waiting to see what the psychic had to say.

"To the members of the Santa Barbara Police Station,

Thank you.

Thank you for dealing with this madman in your ranks for so long. I know I was a pain in the butt and drove everyone up the wall. I got in the way and caused a lot, and I mean a lot, of problems for you, but that wasn't what I was trying to do.

I don't know what was wrong with me and I guess, now that you are reading this letter, no one will ever find out. Maybe I didn't care, or cared too much. I wanted to help. Not just to catch the bad guys, but to help those that did the catching.

I'm used to people not trusting me, hell, my dad and even my best friend, Gus didn't really trust me. They were always looking over their shoulders and waiting for me to make that one mistake that would destroy us all. Well, I made a mistake, but it only destroyed me and maybe that is the best thing to ever happened.

But, whatever, I didn't write this letter to bring you down or to even talk about myself. I put pen to paper, which was a hard thing for me to do, just ask Gus, to give you some advice. Yeah, I know. I'm Shawn Spencer, what would I know.

I knew how to live life to the fullest. How to see the good in everything and everyone. How, even on the darkest days, I could see the sun deep in my heart.

Maybe I'm crazy, but that is me. What I want you to do is hold on to something that is your ray of light. Every day, whether or not you are out there dealing with the crimes or working behind the scenes, you still have to deal with the worst kind that humanity has to give.

Dealing with such a negative world can and will bring you down. It will break you and each and everyone of you will try to find away to survive it. Some will think money is the way to go and start working for the other side of the law. Others will see a bullet, a noose, even a blade across delicate skin, as a way to feel again. Ones, like Lassie, will grow cold, keeping everyone away so that neither side will be hurt by the other. You'll think that if you don't care, don't love, don't feel, then you can't be hurt.

I did everything I could to pull Lassie back from that edge. I just hope I did enough. I hope, I did enough for everyone in this station. I hope I made you laugh. I hope I made you see that things aren't always black and white. That with every bad thing, something good comes out of it.

I hope I gave you hope.

Don't be afraid to say that the job is getting you down and to seek the help you need. If you get the help, then you can keep helping the community by doing your job. Talk to your co-workers, your friends and your loved ones. They only want to help you. Go out and grab that drink after work, just don't let it be what you think will fix everything. It won't. It will kill you, your job or both.

For the young officers, don't be afraid to ask your senior officers to join you or to ask them for help. Remember, they have already been where you are. They've faced the challenges you are now facing and survived it. I would rather be a fool for asking a stupid question, then make a stupid mistake and being the fool that killed other people. If you think I'm lying, ask my dad, I often went to him for help.

Well, it's time I should be going. Time to leave you good men and women of this station alone and in peace. I was proud to be accepted as one of you, even if you didn't trust or like me. You even made me think that I made a mistake and should have become a cop like my dad wanted.

Nearly, that is.

You have a great leader in Chief Vick and, believe it or not, a caring head detective. I know they will take good care of you.

Remember me or not, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you remember who you are and why you choose to be part of this great group of people. Then hold on to them and all that is good in this world and the world will take good care of you.

Forever your psychic,

Shawn Spencer."

Chief Vick swallowed hard as she folded the letter up. Taking a deep breath, she raised her head so she could face the people before her. Some had tears, or were wiping tears away. Others had started to mumble amongst themselves and the rest seemed to be in shock. She knew that feeling, since it was the one she had after reading the letter the first time.

"As I said, anyone wanting a copy of the letter for their own reasons, feel free to let me know." Chief Vick then returned to her office. By the end of the day almost everyone had requested a copy.

Chief Vick will never know what was going through everyone's mind about Shawn's letter, but she did know that his words did get through to some. Along with the requests of a copy, she had a few come in and let her know that they weren't coping, not only with work, but with things that were happening in their own homes.

Tomorrow, she will get the help to those that need it. She will make sure her office door was an open door for anyone that needed to talk. She would also start the Shawn Spencer Fund, a fund to help others not part of the station, maybe a youth program. If asked right, Lassiter may even run it for her.

Whatever happens, tomorrow is a new day. Another day without Shawn, but never the less, a new day and a new start.

**The End**

**Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.**


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